Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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