Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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