Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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