He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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