he thought i was a dude.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
