But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
