I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
