meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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