We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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