Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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