this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
