you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize