Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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