I'm lost and stupid without you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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