I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
