She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
