Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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