It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I intend to get homeless drunk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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