uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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