i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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