I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
time to smoke my breakfast
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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