Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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