i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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