Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
