If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
