She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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