That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
time to smoke my breakfast
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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