1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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