Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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