Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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