oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
