i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
