i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize