Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
