her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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