Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Im part way to drunk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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