Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
