Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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