I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
