I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize