Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize