what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
