guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
