fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
