She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
