forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The uberlube is also flammable
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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