the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
