Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
