did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize