My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
