My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
