I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
