Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
