My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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