Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
