real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
