Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
