so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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