I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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