I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
