i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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