I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
