1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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