So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize