dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
